Lucid in London

Relatively Unforgettable

Posted in Brainburp by It's Lucy! on February 5, 2011

I felt it all in that one tiny second. If I could stay in that room forever, I would, but at the same time I was always prepared for the day I wouldn’t be coming back.

He tried to keep me close but not too close, I kept counting the days, the phone-calls, the hook -ups and then fucked him just because I could.

Then I kept meeting people.

Friendly chats, late night walks, stolen kisses in the brief moments we were left alone, morning headaches that made me want to die. He could kiss the pain away, but didn’t really know what to do with me. It annoyed him so badly.  It was cute. Like his nose.

But I hated the thought of anyone getting to know me better and I didn’t sleep a wink on that last night. The bed, his arms around me, the music in the background, the sounds of the street outside the window: it was all too tangible and I was worried there was no getting away this time. So I had to say goodbye to that room and go.

He knew I would do it.

“It doesn’t matter what you say. I’m not interested.” I said and tried hard not to look away.
“How can you say that?”
“I don’t know. I just can. I just did.”
“You should really stope being scared of me.”
“I’m not scared of you.”

What a cock. Like he knows how it is to be unexpectedly taken out with the trash after you’ve just made yourself comfortable on the couch. I lost interest for late night whispers and other such sweet nothings a long long time ago.

“See you later then?”

I briefly kissed him and started listening to the sound my footsteps walking away from his house. I missed him already but I knew I wouldn’t be back.

How can you miss somebody you don’t know anyway? You can’t. You can miss the illusion, but that disappears if you get too close and spend an extra night sleeping next to him.

In the cold light of the morning I became real again and the feeling of the night had already slowly started to slip away from me. I took a deep breath to make sure I’m still there and then decided not to go straight home.

After all, it all means so little to me.

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