I Met You Because

I met you because I was a dreamer and I needed somebody to take on the entire world with me. True, back then our world didn’t stretch further than the woods behind your parents’ house, but soon after the training wheels would come off and there were new horizons for us to conquer. As the world got bigger, so did our dreams, but we never forgot to share them with each other. It’s so comforting to know that whenever the time comes for me to go out and kick the world in the nuts, you are always right there beside me, rooting for me and cheering me on.

I met you because I was a rebel. I needed somebody to listen to me when I was talking about how I’m getting my belly button pierced and how I hate my parents with Mallboro light smoke rolling out of my adolescent mouth. I needed a partner in crime for sneaking out to go dancing on Saturday nights and I needed somebody to hold me when I was drinking cheap vodka out of a bottle, hanging out of a car speeding through the night and screaming from the top of my lungs. Pushing our bodies to the limit became our thing until we got a little older and  then bored with beginning every night with lying to mom and finishing it with one of us hugging the toilet. There was homework to be done and university to get in to. But hey, I’ll be the first one to say that it was fun being an irresponsible teenage monster with you!

I met you because I was ready to love somebody. I was perfectly happy going to class, jogging in the morning and keeping up with my five a day, when you poped up in my life out of the blue and was all like: “Love me now!” After initial suspicion and an unsuccessful attempt to push you away, I took your hand, closed my eyes and said “OK. Let’s do this.” I allowed myself to love you and it was the best thing ever.

I met you because I was a corpse in a green dress and didn’t even realize it. Feeling nothing became a normal state for me until you kissed me on an evening when kissing somebody was the last thing on my mind. That kiss was all I needed to see I had been missing out on the best years of my life by being in constant state of zombification. I don’t think you even realize just how much you did for me every time you were around, but it dosen’t matter. Your kiss, your touch, the way you looked at me and the way I was crazy about you brought me back to life and I was never the same.

I met you because I lost control. Maybe this sounds horribly selfish, but I needed you to be more self-destructive and more far gone, so I could see just exactly how messed up I was. You held up the best kind of mirror for me and showed me I’ve walked far, too far in fact, down a one way street. I just wish you could see the direction we were running would eventually lead us to crash head first in a brick wall and collapse without life in our fragile bodies, before it was too late for us, and also before it was too late for you.

I met you because I had to learn that even though it’s probably the hardest thing anybody ever has to do, it is as possible as it is necessary to decide one day that you are done with being sad all the time, pick up what is left of you and and start moving again.  The world doesn’t stop rocking for anybody, so you mind as well dance along to the beat or you might end up sitting through the entire party.

I met you because I had to learn that everything, even best friends for ever and I love you and I miss you, is in a constant state of flux. I had to learn that letting go is a natural part of life and changes are imminent. Sometimes goodbye really is the only way.

I met you because I had to learn that even though everything changes, some people stick around even after things are suddenly completely unfamiliar and are there with you on a long distance 2AM Skype call to talk about all the things that  shook your world to the core. Those are the people who you can hope will always be there to take your call. They are the ones you can hold on to in a world that is constantly in limbo. They are your rock. You are my rock.

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